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Wednesday, November 14th, 2001
4:30 pm
you are evil evil girl. you had it all planned out yesterday. me, all innocent and unsuspecting, "oh jen wants me to come to her room...thats ok...ill go to sleep RIGHT after." LITTLE DID I KNOW!! that the land of jenny sucked me in, chewed me up, soaked me in hot chocolate, beat me with cute pictures and froze me with cold weather, until i was nothing more than a submissive college student who actually went to her german class.
im glad that made...hmm...[] that much sense. hahaha. that too.
ok. jensters. you had a horrible nite. that makes me sad. i wish you would have called me. really. i wouldnt have cared. i would have come up and sat with you and we could have watched telly and i could have brought my weird spotted and tailed cushion chair up and it could be your "dog". psycho psych girl kept me up anyways. i was actually up at 3 am. bad timing. john sucks. why do guys suck. SO DAMN MUCH. honestly. jesse wasnt at volleyball again. fuck that shit. but every time we have class, these 4 baseball guys are there practicing and they always flirt with me so its mildly entertaining, although cute australians are more my type...though the OCCAISIONAL baseball player has managed to slip through with out detection (ie. a mr Brendan Q-train Quinn : master of all that is confusing, king of mixed signals, emporer of morphing appearances) hes very stealthy. its that innocent boy look that gets me everytime. ok. here is the deal. you hold off on ross till january. (yes i know, its hard) but we are going to get him OUT of natasha's clutches in the meanwhile. ok? so that even when he goes back for christmas, she will not exist. that way it will all work out perfecly. i am going to go download AIM now! ha ha.
love you lots and lots you muffin eater you.
3:14 am
hi you
its me. sssuuurrrrppprrrriiissseeee. goddamn. its like 3am. i am not a happy camper. i feel like shit. i cant even tell you. i just talked to sean for a good hour, he bitched me out for the majority of it. it kinda sucked. i just dont feel like i can handle going to see him right now. and i am reallky upset about john. like i just want to go up to him and be like what the fuck is the deal. do you want anything or not. because i dont want to fuck around andplay stupid games when we could just be having fun together and hanging out. but i cant do that because that isnt socially acceptable. i am so getting sick. i just emailed my french teacher and told him i wouldnt be in class. i dont feel like going. no joke. i feel like shit. fuck john. what a dickhead. fuck everything. i cant fall asleep i want to shoot someone. i came so close to telling sean about john... just to shut him up. he was making me really mad. arg. i am so angry that i am still awake. i hate this. i want to fall asleep. i should just try to read my psych book. that would put me to sleep. i really think it would, which is sad. goddamn. i am so upset about everything. i am looking forward to eating breakfast. i am so fucking tired of everything and nothing. i want john to like me. i want sean to stop loving me. i want him to be ok with me not coming to chicago and then i want him to be friends and nothing more. nothing. i want him not to hurt. i want john to hurt. because i am. i am uncapable of not getting attached. spending hours lying with someone talking jsut causes me to get attached. im sorry. im just a weak person that way. i cant help myself. especially when he says all this cute shit. if i see him tomorrow im jus tgoing to ask him what his deal is. what the fuck is up with you assmunch. FUCK. i just want to know. is that so terrible? if he said he didnt like me, i could handle it. but just not knowing is really getting to me. i need to start going to class. fuck. fuck, fuck. and then there is ross. i am just obsessed. i think he is gorgeous and so nice and sweet and we just get along so well and he has a fucking girlfriend. i am serisouly contemplating just pounding that bottle of twist to put me to sleep. i wish JJ's was open i would go get more tea. damn boys of all makes flavours and religious persuasuions. i should at least do something productive seeing as i am awake. but i wont. of course. becasue i am a fucking moron. big fat waste of space. i need to lose weight. that is why john doesnt like me. cuz im fat. bullllllshssssssiiitttt. spelt wrong, for added affect. i am going to start slamming my head against the walll in the hopes that i will knock myself out. never ever have i ever felt so low. when you gonna get me out of this black hole?i just spilt punkys vodka. oops. tried to pet him. i needed someone to comfort me. FUCK. i am in an unstable mental state right now. i thikn i will go and watch tv. that may put me to sleep. but maybe not. i wish i had more dvds. maybe i will watch oh brother where art thou. actually i am not yet that desperate. perhaps i will go check out your floor and see if anyone is playing boardgames. or maybe i will just go kill john while he is sleeping. teach him to fuck with me. evil bastard.... who just happens to be the nicest guy on the face of the earth and im not even kidding, which is the sad part. only i could take the nicest guy ever, and motivate him not to call me. ever. i wish dave was awake. or anyone worth talking to. fuck. i could just go talk to fatass girl who happens to be laughing her fatass off right outside my fucking door. WHO DOES THAT??? that is the question i ask all of you. who fucking does that. it is now welllll past 3. still am not even remotely tired. still thinking about that bottle of twist. is i wasnt so worried about the implications of drinking alcohol to fall asleep i would do it. i dont want that to become a pattern in my life though. that owuld be ridiculous. FUCK. intermittent capitalised fuck's for affect. i think it is working, dont you? i woudl ace L and R with that literary device. i am mad. mad mad mad. this sucks. fuck john. he is giving me trouble. i wish i had a computer. but i do. i meant a tv. then i could just daze offf into lights flashing and not have to think. an di have to lift tomorrow. poor coach sheehan has to deal with me. and i will be ill so he will have to deal with that too. poor bastard. just doesnt know what he is in for. john jay, home of the vain and the lonely. i happen to be one of the vain. so he has to suck on that. i told john about the vain and lonely thing, and he just agreed. i was alittle insulted. but it is true. allllll welllll. no diggidy. no doubt. play on play on. sleep on sleep on vern. tonight i will be the one getting no sleep. noproblemo i got that covered. i wish there was anyone remotely still awake. i am bored shitless. not even slightly verging on tired though. i will just keep typing til i pass out because if i go to bed and cant sleep i freak out. i get really pissy. sometimes it actually makes me cry. if i was at home i woul dgo make tea and watch some telly with my dog. but im not. i am still typing this fucking thing. fuck fuck fuck
i am going to email some poeple i guess. nothing else to do.....
Tuesday, November 13th, 2001
4:03 pm - hey precious
hi you you
i got your message that was pretty clever. stealthy. so john was cute today, he was like following me out of lit hum and follewed me to talk to me on my break, and he was looking at me like all class, but i know that he wont call tonight, and it pisses me off because i want to cuddle and stuff with him, and hang out and be cute. dont guys like doing stuff like that? because i thought they did... you are coming up here nownownownwo. yayayayayay vernennneeeaaaa. you think you are going to sleep. i dont think sooool...... eveil lllaugh
12:44 pm - HA wait - an idea i have!
i will leave this posted like such. so you will see my genius skills of deduction.
me brilliant.
12:44 pm - HAHA! i have found you out, you journal pirater, you!
:) hey jensters. i was like, hmmm i never fully read what jen and peter wrote on here...ill do that now (since i am in yoru room, waiting to go downstairs for lunch and i thought my computer would be a nice way to pass the time - oh and there was some trouble with my accout again. boo) so i checked and saw TA-DA! more entries. you sneaky girl. the ultimate queen of stealth (which by the way is also a very ambidextrous trait). i am not sure if you have figured out how to actually check this but ah well. its kinda fun though. we could always leave eachother messages on here. once you get your comp back too - and all, because you can update your entries from ANYWHERE. oh the glories of the internet.
jensters i am hungry and punky is dying. no. not really. just not moving. too bad i cant whistle because maybe i could energize him/her? a bit.
ahh 7 more minutes. i am sooo hungry. i ate no food yet. cept for some sour watermelons from last nite's candy. we have to buy our harry potter tickets. i keep thinking of your amusement when you see that ahHA! verena has seen the entries. i am very quick on the UPTAKE as you can see. bahahahaha. (insert loud raucous laughter here)
i dont like that john hasnt called. especially when we consider all the circumstances previously outlined in your entry. that is very not cool. the whole not leaving thing, except for right after *nookie*...but its all so at odds with his cuteness as well.
it must be a guy thing. to know how to act so cute and sweet and perfect and then go FUCK IT ALL UP.
anger management there.
4 minutes!!! im gonna go wait for the elevator, b/c that will only take about 9823749382743827 million minutes.
love you sweetums.
Monday, November 12th, 2001
11:41 pm
hi verena
one day i will tell you that i haveleft you all of these messages and then you canread them and feel special. you lucky girl. that movie was so good. a little crazy. i will probably have nightmares. i cant believe he didnt call. that makes me upset and hurts my feelings. i dont think that i am happy about htis. i feel some definite attitude coming on. i dont know if he can handle this. because i am going to bring it on, and he better be damn cute or there is oging to be some tension in lit hum class. definite tension. i just dont know. i am so tired of guys. they drive me insane. its like their only goal in life is to get some play. there is more to life than that damnit. fucking hell. argargarg. lit hum is just not going to be the same now tha ti have made out with someone in the class. i will be thinking about how he kisses whenver he makes a comment. i will be thinking about our discussion about kisssing with tongue, and disney movies and harry potter and everything in between. and about how he kept on saying he was leaving on saturday night when we got back here and he just kept staying.... until he had gotten some nookie, then he left pretty efficiently. coincidence? i think not. perhaps i shoudl leave him alone for a while. let him recover from this relationship of his. 3.5 years is one hell of a long time. i think i would be prettty anti-relationship after that too. i think i have a better i dea for tomorrow, i wont be mean, i will just pretend like nothing ever happened, and just quietly and subtely be cold. i think that that would be more frustrating for him. punky is going insane. it is crazy. and hannah is abitch. if she is back with carter, then isnt jesse all yours? i think that means that he is. hence vernigan shoul dmove in for the kill. just another side note,..... if i dont get my period tonight i am going to freak because i should have got it last night.... but back to jesse. he is really cute and sweet and he has a hot body... so put the moves on him . you go girl.
nite nite verners
12:23 am
hi verena
there is a little bug in my room. i really cannot bring myself to kill it. shit. it will take over and reign over all that is good in my room. this is trouble. big trouble. im just going to leave now, in complete and utter defeat and submission to the bug. anyways, i am fuct. i just remembered i have shit to do tomorrow for psych... my last experimente is at 11 til 12. so i cant study. so i am starting to study now. but it just sucks. i am not ready to take on the beast. fuck fuck fuck. and i am in one hell of an irritated mood because stupid ass didnt call. he should just eat shit and die. then call me. and be all cute. he could throw the shit back up and be alive again. that would be good. i am going to study now. bubye
Saturday, November 10th, 2001
8:14 pm
My name is Vereeeeeena, I am a Baroness. I come from a land full of chocolate, and butter. I eat truffels (which to all the common folk it is better known as chocolate.) all day long, even though they cost $100 a shroom. vernigander, as i am known to all those who pass the day pondering punky brewster themed motifs, is a legend unsurpassed at our fair school. Veebsy weebsy undeniably excels in ambidextrous pursuits, for example basket weaving and berry picking. Recognising the importance of left handed business corp. ltd. is always a priority in mine life. i hath one friend commonly known as peter, uncommonly know as retep who is the light of my life, the sunshine in my days and the moon in my nihgt.
Wednesday, October 10th, 2001
12:50 am
Monday, September 17th, 2001
7:46 pm - sick = sucks ass.
im sick. being sick sucks ass. it sucks ass because when i am sick i am grumpy. and when i am grumpy i am not cheerful. and i like to think of myself as a cheerful person. therefor being sick sucks. the end.
i feel like ass. ask your ass how it feels and it will say, "I feel like verena." the end.

current mood: sick
Friday, September 7th, 2001
1:42 am - something isnt right in this world called confusion.
why is it so difficult to just...find somebody?

ha i just realised i havent updated in forever. i have been having the most amazing time. i have met so many people and..i dont know...its amazing the amount of intelligence there is at this school. its inspiring. everyclass is just so amazing and so...mind-blowing. i love it. i cant describe the energy i feel sometimes...connecting with people on ideas and thoughts and opinions and criticisms...

and its been one big party too. which rocks.

but back to the beginning...why is it so difficult to just find that ... one person...not even for the rest of you life, but for right now. to understand and believe and be...

perhaps one day ill answer that...

current mood: lonely
Thursday, August 30th, 2001
5:35 pm - this is it
im here. in nyc. and thats all i have to say because i am still overly excited and i cant sort through the information in my head clearly enough to make an entertaining entry. so thats is all. the end.

current mood: giddy
Sunday, August 26th, 2001
11:31 am - 24 hours
i am now officially counting down the hours until i vacate the premises of Caulfeild, Vancouver, BC, Canada, for Columbia University, New York City, New York, USA.
so my next post will be from new york. how's that for exciting?!
thats why i havent been posting that much. ive been running around doing errands etc etc. so thats all. because i have to finish packing.
goodbye everybody.

current mood: giddy
Wednesday, August 22nd, 2001
6:00 pm - last week liasons
ok. so i had lunch with chris today. it was awesome. really really amazing. im sort of sad that i never got closer to him. he is such a brilliant person. i dont know. there are so many things he wants to do. and i love the fact that he is not materialistically driven. he is so creative and so intelligent and so talented. and he was talking to me about how he had gotten into coke at the beginning of summer..to the point where it wasnt for fun anymore and that it had scared him so much that he had stopped. and that to me is the strongest action i have ever heard. i dont know many people that head that way and then actaully make it back...i was really really really impressed...
some people just amaze me.
i am going out with matt h. tomorrow. we had a good nite last nite. he was awesome too. really easy going and easy to talk to. so i dont know. kinda crazy that all this happens in the few days before i go.
and friday i am going up to whistler with a bunch of people to stay at rohans cabin...which means ill see dan.......................................................................

ill end on that note.

current mood: touched
Monday, August 20th, 2001
10:00 am - im stupid.
ok well my solution was to go to Delany's in dundarave because thats where we usually meet. and she wasnt there. so then i went to starbucks in ambelside and she wasnt there...and then i ran into roman so i chilled with him for a bit and came home. so. basically my solution sucked.
but i didnt see anyone else with any bright ideas. goddamnit.
but thats ok. im hungry.

current mood: hungry
8:37 am - any solutions??
well. i am supposed to be meeting leah at 9 this morning. somewhere. thats the problem. i cant remember where. and she isnt answering her cell.
im not sure how to solve this problem.
guess im kinda fucked.

current mood: frustrated
Sunday, August 19th, 2001
7:54 pm - ROAR.
looked it up. got too many matches to look through. so i got bored.
this has been one boring day.
i think i should be packing and stuff. maybe getting ready considering that i leave in a week. but no. i choose to laze around all day and fiddle on the computer. yay. because i dont even know HOW to fiddle. i just waste time *pretending* that i have any knowlege whatsoever about computers.
yay for me
and no one is on icq. looks like everyone has something better to do.
and now i am trying to cheer myself up by listening to LFO. because this song for some strange reason makes me chipper. except today its not working. i just want to rip their heads off.

current mood: enraged
7:38 pm - you know what sucks?
that its christof's last nite before he heads off to guelph. and burke left yesterday. and then jenny leaves day after tomorrow. and then no one leaves till me.
but you know what rocks?
im leaving!
well i am sure lots of people are.
but that doesnt matter because I AM GOING TO NYC!
i never worked out.
i watched my sister's movie on tv.
yay for sister's movie.
for entertainment purposes, i am now going to look it up on the IN-TER-NET. on my COMPUTAR MACHIEN.

current mood: creative
4:26 pm - roar.
i dont want to clean.
so i decided to waste time with a useless entry.
yay for useless entries.

current mood: grumpy
4:13 pm - you're not here. and i cant stop pretending that you are forever mine.
edgefest was amazing.
absolutely ... shmush. new word that i love. shmush. *copyright of dayv wachell*
i saw sooooo many people i havent seen for about 6 billion years. or 4 years. thats more reasonable.
i saw matt haleran. mmmmm....yum. that was nice. havent seen him since gr 7 truth or dare party where i was his first kiss :) and he is beautiful. which is wonderfully delicious because we are going out tonite.
and i saw chris ireland. who turned hot again. because he was really hot in gr 9 when we went out at camp. then i saw him in november this year and he was not so hot at all. then he was at edgefest wandering around in cargo pants with no shirt on. and that was very very nice. and we are doing something later this week.
yay for last week liasons.
and then i am going to go work out with rohan. at 6.
but before that i am going to clean my room. and sleep. because i need sleep. badly.
im feeling pasty. maybe i will sleep outside.
not really pasty though. just getting scared that my tan is fading.
dude. this entry sucks too.

current mood: pissed off
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